Monday, August 31, 2009

In the spirit of libations!

I have recently seen the movie, "Julie & Julia." Wonderful movie, really, funny, heart warming, all the nice fuzzy feelings that movies like that are supposed to do. This movie has since inspired me to start writing my blog less like an update forum and more like well... a blog. So, in the spirit of the moment I have a thought, a story really, I'd like to share with you all in the form of a blog.

It shouldn't come as much of a surprise to most who know me that this story is based on poo. I have wonderful exciting stories that I love to share, and so many of them revolve around poo, poop, feces, etc. This story begins in the bathroom on the second floor of the University Library on IUPUI's campus. Third stall down. I was not in this stall, no, I was in the first one, taking what I like to call an epic turd dunking. The day before you see I had gone without my usual cup o' Joe due to the fact that the day before I had some tummy troubles, so to give my on coming future ulcer a break I went without. As a consequence I did not poo that day. Sad, I know, but true. Fortunately this means the next day during a break from classes I finally got to take a massive, time stopping, joyous filled crap. You know, the kind that when you're done you feel a million times lighter, and surprisingly, happier. Oh man this thing was AWESOME!!

I was even more fortunate that when I went in the restroom, there was a very noisy couple of ppl that came in in front and behind me thus masking the kurplunking and thhhrumping that went along with it much less noticeable. I was almost finished when all of a sudden the last person was gone and I was stuck there on the pot with a very quiet, and we'll assume shy individual two stalls down from mine. These ppl suck. I mean, honestly, you're not performing nearly as embarrassing a procedure as I am, so finish it up and move on so I can walk out with some of my dignity left in tact. Yes, it's true, even I like to wait for the last person to leave before I do after taking a humung-o poop in a public restroom.

As I waited for this person to take their leave so to speak I realized that some how I had gotten myself into a toilet stand down. It was like playing the quiet game with our sphincters. We both just sat there, tinkling here and there, me letting out the last little bits of yesterday and this morning and still no one moved. She tinkled. I pooted. She shifted. I scratched... my arm. It was painful, simply painful just sitting there waiting for the other person to wipe, get up and out.

Finally, after a long long wait some poor unsuspecting soul came in and, no joke, sat right between us. AWKWARD!! I took this as my get out while you can excuse. I cleaned myself up and quickly, but thoroughly washed my hands and got the heck out of dodge!

The tension from the bathroom gone from my shoulders I sauntered back into the library, back to my computer and wrote this blog. To say the least I feel amazing now. Light and jovial. And I have to wonder, is that poor shy girl in the bathroom still sitting on that toilet waiting for the bathroom to be empty enough that she can walk out with her head held high? Someone should really tell her that in the end we all poop. And thank God for that!

Tata for now!

Tricia

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